How to Pawpaint with Cats

Step 1: Assemble the necessary materials: paints, canvas, and cats are a must. Optional are band-aids, disinfectant, polysporin, towels, mops, bubble wrap, kitchen mitts, hockey masks, clamps, and shields. 
Step 2: Dress appropriately. Long sleeves, long pants (preferably padded), oven mitts, eye protection. Optional hockey mask may also be worn.
Step 3: Get the cats. If you do not have a cat, often they lurk in neighbours garden, and due to the nature of cats no owner will bat an eye if they go missing for a couple hours. If the cats are already obtained, search  your house. Beds, under beds, closets, vent ducts, sock drawers, and coat pockets. If not, search the garden. Surely Muffy is just wandering. Check the block. Check the neighbourhood. Check the city. If Muffy is still not found, wait a few hours and check again. Once Muffy is located, reasonable methods of containment are allowed: hands, baby carriages, arms, boxes, bags, and anything that enables adequate protection of your skin.
Step 4: Ask the cat to sit.
Step 5: Ask the cat to stay. 
Step 6: Ask the cat to sit again. 
Step 7: Using hands, tell the cat to sit and stay a little more firmly.
Step 8: Nurse wounds. Apply bandaids and polysporin. 
Step 9: Locate the cat (most likely under the bed. Whenever you ascertain cat has not gone outside, lock the door just to be sure).
Step 10: Move cat, painting and self-medication to a small, contained room. No open ventilation shafts, trap doors, or cat flaps are a must.
Step 11: Ask the cat to sit.
Step 12: Pour a whole bag of treats in front of the cat and ask him to sit again.
Step 13: While he is eating, ready the paint.
*In the next couple steps, speed is of the essence
Step 14: Lightning fast, grab your cat, restrain him between your legs, and plop Muffy's paws in the paint. 
Step 15: Dab the paws on canvas as many times as desired.
Step 16: Lunge out of the way as Muffy goes for a quick revenge, making sure to take the canvas out of the way as well unless you want to repeat steps 11-14 again. And again. And again.
Step 17: Apply more bandaids and polysporin. Muffy is quite angry now, but you have a lovely memento of him for years to come. Perhaps a trifle smudged, but c'est la vie... or rather, c'est les chats.

Look for my upcoming instalment of Arts and Crafts with Cats, entitled "How to Wash Paint Off Your Cats Paws while Hissing."

****DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to have verified the validity of this process. No cats were harmed in the making of this journal (as if I would ever be so cruel as to name my cat Muffy).